Life in the NICU

After we'd spent some time with the girls the nurses advised us to go back to our room and rest while we could. I was so groggy from the medicine that I couldn't really object so we went back to our room and tried to sleep. A little while later the NICU doctor came in and told us that Hannah was doing well, was off all oxygen and heart rate was normal. Emersyn, on the other hand, was having a hard time breathing.  They were considering transferring her up to PVH where they had a better NICU but were going to try a few more things before they did that.  We waited fretfully for about an hour, praying and hoping that we wouldn't have to be transferred. She returned with good news that little Emmy decided she didn't want to take a ride in the ambulance and was doing much better.

After that, my nurse told me to rest and that she'd be back in a few hours to take me to see my girls. I tried to sleep but I kept waking up hoping that it was time to go see them.  If I would've had the strength to walk myself down there I would've done it but since the epidural was still wearing off and I was loopy from pain meds I didn't think it was a wise idea to try and get up, especially with all the tubes and whatnot tying me to the bed.  She finally returned and helped me get in the wheel chair and go see my girls.

As I held Emersyn for the first time I found myself in awe that she was mine! That for years I had dreamed of what it would be like to have a baby, what she would look like, how she would cuddle up to me, the little noises she would make.  And all of those things were amazing! But the most amazing of all was that she knew me.  She knew my voice, she knew I was her mommy! All those years of trying to get pregnant and all those months of being pregnant finally became SO worth it! The second most amazing thing I found was how incredible it was to see Greg holding Hannah.  He suddenly became more than just my husband and best friend: he was my girls' daddy, the only other person who could possibly love my girls as much as I did, my partner in raising these girls. I loved him even more in that moment. And more every day.

The next thing that I noticed were all the cords and tubes.  It broke my heart to see the tube in Emmy's nose and the little IV in her arm. It made them seem so fragile. Not to mention tethered to the NICU.  I think that was the worst part about it, feeling like even if I wanted to I couldn't take the girls from that room.  Most of the cords and tubes were just connected to monitors but it somehow seemed like if they became "unplugged" they wouldn't survive.

The nurses taught us how to do all of their "cares."  How to check their temperatures, change their monitors, change diapers, etc.  Their "cares" had to be done every three hours.  We also fed them every three hours. I had been pumping as well so we had a little bit of breastmilk to give them and supplemented with formula. At the time we were aiming for them to eat about 10mL at every feeding. That seems like such a tiny amount now that they're eating 4 oz at a time!

There are good things and bad things about having your kiddos in the NICU. Here are the pro's: 1) NURSES!!- there to answer questions, teach you how to breastfeed, take care of the babies if you want a nap, etc., 2) Quiet. Sometimes after the craziness of all the visitors its nice to have a little retreat that people can't follow you to. 3) Security.  You know if anything goes wrong there will be an army of people to help.

Here are the con's: 1) Being away from your babies. Even though we were welcome to stay in the nursery all day every day it felt somewhat weird to hang out in there when the girls were sleeping so we would just go back to our room. 2) Monitors.  Having the girls hooked up to monitors 24/7 was annoying because anytime you bump the monitor wrong or the baby holds her breath for even just a second alarms start going off everywhere. Plus having them attached with all the wires made it difficult to cuddle. 3) Paranoia.  Since they were monitored for everything it caused us to freak out about little things that all babies do. Example- when eating, babies often forget to breathe for a short time, they're learning to suck, swallow and breathe all at the same time.  When they're attached to something that beeps loudly every time that happens it makes it seem like your babies are dying all the time.  4) Once you're in the nursery, good luck getting out.... the list of requirements for the babies to be discharged is about a million miles long.  After the girls' first night they did so well.  There was very little to worry about.  We felt like it was unnecessary for them to stay in the nursery but since they'd been admitted they now had to accomplish all the things on this loooong checklist in order to be discharged. 


Headed home!

Stuff like- no episodes of apnea, no drops in BP or temp, must show that they're gaining weight, etc.  The frustrating thing about all of the requirements was that all of the things seemed like stuff that ALL babies encounter when they're first born but they didn't have to meet these requirements to go home- just ours, since they were being monitored for everything.  We understood that the nurses were just doing their job and had our babies' best interest in mind but it was frustrating feeling like we were stuck at the hospital for no reason.
Eventually the girls were stable enough that we were able to be discharged.  We were able to leave the Wednesday after the girls were born.  They spent a total of 6 days in the nursery.  We were so excited to go home!  We got home and thought.... let the real fun begin! :)